Guest Post from Author Jason Brant
Posted by cynthiashepp
Today I have the pleasure of introducing you to author Jason Brant. Check out his awesomeness with his guest post and enjoy Oh, please feel free to question him and laugh your ass off. Suscribe to comments for this post if you want to keep up with the conversation. I, for one, can’t wait till author Elle Casey reads this. You will know why soon. I will put lots of links below so you can follow Jason’s crazy…I mean awesome…train.
The Power of the Mullet
Like Samson, people who have the balls to rock a sweet mullet have powers that we mere mortals can’t fully comprehend. I wish I could understand what it is about this hairstyle that gives those it adorns almost supernatural abilities, but I don’t have the courage or manliness to pull off that look. It’s a character flaw that I’m working hard to fix. As of late it seems that people have felt the need to scoff at the mullet, but I’m here to tell you why they’re wrong. There have been many incredibly influential people throughout the years who have been given special skills thanks to their bitchin’ mullets, but they become vain and disheartened, eventually cutting their hair. Little did they know that this would lead to their downfall.
Who are some of these fallen heroes? Here are three examples.
Mario Lemiux and Jaromir Jagr: This dynamic duo crushed the hockey world in the ‘90’s, leading the Pittsburgh Penguins to several Stanley Cup victories. Jagr cut his rad mullet in 1999 and immediately began suffering from an affliction I like to refer to as ‘sucking ass’. Lemieux, beloved by the city of Pittsburgh fell upon a string of injuries that resulted directly from defiling his perfectly quaffed mane.
Richard Dean Anderson aka MacGyver. He cut his mullet and then aged instantly. The timeframe between these two pictures is a matter of hours.
Billy Ray Cyrus. He changed his hair and then sired a demon.
Now, there are also plenty of instances where someone’s career has skyrocketed because they’ve cultivated the mullet. Here are two current examples of those:
Kenny Powers. OK, so the actors real name is Danny McBride, but I’m fairly convinced that this role wasn’t much of a stretch as far as acting goes. He has a hit TV show and burgeoning movie career. And it’s all because of his righteous mullet.
Elle Casey. Though I don’t have an up-to-date photograph, I do have one from her childhood. Her hairstyle has remained unchanged throughout the years though, so this is a good representation of what she is currently rocking. Obviously, her writing success is directly attributable to the mullet. Don’t be fooled by the boyish looks in this picture – I’m fairly certain she is indeed female.
For awhile I was thinking that hard work and perseverance were the keys to success and happiness, but I’ve now learned the error of my ways. There is a fast track to all that is good in life, and it drapes over your neck. I hope that I’ve been able to illustrate the importance of keeping things ‘business in the front and party in the back’. It is in your utmost interest to work on growing a wicked mullet of your own. Your career, sex life, and overall awesomeness depend on it.
Jason Brant Links:
Books By Jason: (available Amazon, B&N, Smashwords, Kobo, and maybe more places: I only put the Amazon links below)
The Gate: The Gate
Posted on August 14, 2012, in Author Interviews, General and tagged author, Billy Ray Cyrus, Danny McBride, elle casey, guest post, Jason Brant, Kenny Powers, MacGyver, mullet, Pittsburgh Penguins, power of the mullet, reader, Richard Dean Anderson. Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.